A lesser-known fact about me is that I am a member of the U.S. Gold Star Family. For those unfamiliar, this term refers to families who have lost a loved one in military service. My brother, Dan Vilevac, served as an infantry Marine in the Afghanistan War.
(Trigger Warning)
He endured trauma in battle, coming back home to the U.S. with many emotional scars. We were relieved when he returned home, struggling and praying for his safety every day in two deployments, and did not know that we still had a battle to face. Dan died of PTSD suicide, unable to deal with the emotional stress of everyday life when he returned. My faith allows me to believe that he made a huge difference on this planet while he was here for twenty-three years and it was time for God to take him into His arms and let him be safe, loved, and rest his soul.
The loss was great. I felt a piece of my body was removed. I felt like my soul could never be the same. The pain was so deep that it physically hurt.
For many years, I kept this silent. In my personal life, I was strengthening my mental health while my family life was being untangled, revealing a lot of ancestral trauma that needed to be healed. This work was consuming, overwhelming at times, and very challenging. At this point, I will say it was worth it, rather than "moving on" and burying it. I chose to lean into the healing and let it lead me to where I needed to go. Many have heard me say, that journey is not pretty, sometimes gruesome, unpredictable, yet beautiful at the same time.
Initially, after his death, I did a lot of service with veterans, mental health, and yoga, and I especially focused on areas where those three things intersected.
Life passed, and now it has been over ten years. The scars are there, I don't think they will ever go away. But, things have become aligned in my life so that I feel I have found my true power and ultimate mental strength. That has been my struggle, journey, and destination.
I am grateful for my ability to create art. Art has always been the healing factor in my life. Recently, this painting represents my alignment with my true power. Eagles are always a sign of power that reminds me of my brother's spirit. In my toughest times, I always see an eagle in the sky.
(Alignment With The Devine Listening To The Blues, 24" / 36" Oil on Canvas)
So, for many of you whom I have crossed, you saw how strong I was, but silently, you did not know why. Or maybe I was strong in certain situations and very weak in others, sometimes showing inconsistencies. Or, I know I was frustrated about things that would impact my or others' mental health and showed a lot of emotions. I am sorry for the confusion and imbalance. This is my back story and my origin story.
I believe I have now arrived, full circle, fully learning and growing from the situation.
Over the past year, I have fully focused on my mental strength, digging deep into my spiritual self to find purpose, drive, and understanding to this trauma and my life events.
I have learned so much and I would love to share:
Always listen to your heart
At times, your mind can overshadow your heart; take a moment to refocus and calm your thoughts to truly listen to your heart. The mind often generates fear-based energy, while the heart provides a source of healthy, growth-oriented energy.
There will always be anxiety and unwanted emotions, but they do not define you, don't try to mask them or burry them, allow them to be felt and move through your body, eventually they will go away
Love will always prevail - the journey is to love yourself as much as possible
Faith in yourself is the best bet you can always make
Only you know the path that is right for you
You have to silence the outside noise to listen to your soul
Your soul will lead you where you need to go
Life happens for you to learn and grow, it is all a blessing
Be grateful for everything: EVERYTHING
I meditate every day and repeat the following mantra to increase my mental strength:
I allow expansion, growth, and light into my life and invite all that is for my greater good
I share my thoughts during these times filled with tension, anxiety, and stress. Each day brings significant change around us. By sharing my journey, I aim to show that joy can be found daily. Focus on what you can control, and let go of everything else that lies beyond your influence.
Each day I can control the following things:
Knowing I am not alone, many people endure trauma, and we can support each other by holding space for each other
Being grateful for the food that nourishes my body
Taking time to pray and/or meditate to refocus myself
Creating art or something out of nothing
Learn something new to expand my understanding of myself, others, or the world
Choose things that are healthy for me
Lean into the feelings that are aligned with my growth
Plant seeds, engage with nature, and open up my senses to the weather
Work out a conflict with someone, there is no need to have bad blood out there
Communicate with empathy and kindness to others
Invest in myself: time, energy, money, etc.
Process emotions - this takes time - allowing time for emotions to move through and out of me so they don't become me
Let go of things I can not control
I hope this inspires you:
To share your authentic story and your "why"
Focus on your mental health and strength
Find time to sort out what you can control in your life and invest your energy there
With loving light and kindness,
Coach Sandra
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